Robin Falls
by rizandace
Summary: Moments from Barney and Robin's journey, giving a deeper insight to the things we saw, and showing us some of the things we didn't. Barney/Robin
1. Sandcastles in the Sand

Author's Note: I have always felt that the build up to Barney and Robin in Season 4 is executed very well – on Barney's side of things. We get a real sense as the audience of what he's going through. On the other hand, Robin's feelings come out of left field. I get the sense that their relationship might have been easier to connect to if we had had a better idea of Robin's feelings and how that led up to the climactic scene in _The Leap_, the Season 4 Finale.

So… with that in mind, here are a few moments from Robin's perspective.

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**Sandcastles in the Sand S3EP16**

Barney Stinson has this way with women. It had always been true, and in the few years that Robin had known him, she had seen countless women fall prey to his charming trap. She, Robin Scherbatsky, belongs to the super-secret club, those on the inside of Barney's schemes. It's hard to explain, but it feels like a privilege to be his friend.

She knows he finds her attractive – she's notices the heavy-lidded looks he's shot at her across their usual table at the bar, the way his eyebrows twitch up when she wears a particularly revealing outfit. That smile – the one that melts her insides – when he feeds her an obviously fake line.

"Holy crap, you're _beautiful!_" he had said to her once. And he meant it too. She couldn't help it – it was very flattering to be on the female side of Barney Stinson's flirtatious personality.

She'd always roll her eyes at him as he'd point – "Target _acquired_." Then, as he left the bar with the bimbo attached to his arm, sometimes he'd shoot a look over his shoulder. Logically, she knew he was looking at all of them – Marshall, Ted, Lily, herself… but sometimes the look was so intently focused that she felt butterflies in her stomach, as if he were staring straight through her skin.

Because he _understood_ her, better than almost anyone in the entire world. It was all physical, she'd tell herself. It was natural that a girl would be attracted to Barney Stinson. But it was innocent attraction. She wasn't about to do anything about it. She was never planning on acting on her secret lust.

Partly because Barney and her could never be a one-night-stand. They were friends. Bros, even. Partly, she kept it all bottled up because she was afraid of Ted's reaction. But still… to get it out of her system would be a relief. If she could only feel it – what Barney had to offer, maybe then she could go back to normal.

So when he wraps his arm around her and presses her head down gently onto his shoulder, she tries to believe that he really means it. "You are the most awesome person I have ever known…" Sure, she'd seen him with other girls – the perfectly sculpted mask of hurt, concern, worry, lecherousness, whatever it took to get a girl in bed. But she believed – she honestly did – that when he spoke to her, his words were sincere.

It was probably naive and stupid. But she was smitten.

When she thought back on it, she had no idea who had initiated contact. It had happened so slowly and yet so quickly – all at once, a lightning flash from an invisible sky. One minute, he had his head thrown back in carefree mirth, laughing at Robin Sparkles on the TV. He pointed at something and Robin had blushed but laughed along – after all, it was pretty damn hilarious.

Suddenly, he was staring at her, his eyebrows crinkled so that the three lines on his forehead were more pronounced. He looked a little mystified at something. And as the music of _Sandcastles in the Sand_ swelled to its pathetic crescendo, Barney and Robin leaned together suddenly, lips connecting.

She wasn't surprised that he was a good kisser. After all, he had had plenty of practice. But the thought of him with other women created this painful twist in her gut, so she pushed it away and allowed his lips to caress hers with a single-minded certainty that she loved.

He was so careful to please her – so beautifully focused on her. He teased her – bringing her to the edge of something that promised to be wonderful, and then pulling her away from the edge of the cliff. He seemed desperate for contact. It was as if after years of starving himself from the taste of greatness, he had finally allowed himself to cave in, to release all tension, and to tear down all barriers.

They were excellent together, and that was what scared Robin the most. She wondered, as he brought her down from release with a gentle, pressing kiss to her neck, if he was like this with all of his girls. She somehow hadn't pictured it to be so _nice_. Sure, it had been intense, gratifying, passionate, but he had been so _sweet. _It was a side of Barney she had never known, and she felt the hard shell around her heart start to melt a little.

Afterwards, there was no awkwardness. A sheen of sweat covered his bare chest, and to Robin, it was the most natural thing in the world to rest her head against it. Barney ran his fingers through her hair once, twice, smoothing out the tangles he had created by gripping the tendrils at the base of her neck as he took her.

And she had drifted off to sleep, satisfied. She didn't allow the tension to creep into her body and mind until the next morning. She needed to put off the fall-out, because rarely had she experienced a moment so simple, so free from complexity, so perfect.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please please please drop a review!


	2. The Goat

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Author's Note: Thanks for the positive feedback for the first chapter! Tell me what you think about this one!

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The beauty of the night before has given way to an atmosphere so awkward that Robin wishes she could sink through the sheets and disappear. Barney is lying next to her, a sheet wrapped around him, staring at the ceiling. She can tell he's feeling much like she is – _Oh God what have we done?_

"In my experience, the way this normally goes is… we lay here for a while, make a little awkward… chitchat…" Barney speaks, his eyes rolling around in his head and his fingers clutching at the sheet. He has no idea what to do, and Robin can feel this uncertainty crashing against her like waves. Waves filled with her own self-loathing go crashing back to hit against Barney.

"Check," Robin says, with an ironical lift of her hand. What else can she say? She just had sex – No, she just had _great_ sex – with_ Barney_.

"Then I make up some cabinet meeting, heart surgery, rocket test flight I've got to be at, slip out of the apartment and ever call you again."

It sickens Robin, the way Barney's pre-ordained excuses pop so suddenly into his mind. It is another shocking reminder that Barney does this often. With tons and tons of different girls. Sure, Robin's had her fair number of trysts, but she's nothing compared to Barney. And then she worries. Is she nothing compared to Barney? Sure, she had a good time last night. In fact, it's frankly terrifying, what Barney was able to do to her. Had he felt the same way? Was she any good for _him_? For a brief moment she feels like asking him – "hey, how was last night for you?"but then she chickens out, because the words sound mortifying, even in her head.

"And later, at the bar, you tell your good friend Robin the story of your latest conquest, and she thinks to herself, who is this sad, self-loathing idiot who climbed into bed with Barney Stinson?" And it's true, too, she thinks. Barney was comforting last night. She had been broken up over Simon, and there was Barney. And that was all it had been, right? Nothing beyond the fact that he had _been_ there. A sudden thought makes her stomach roll. _Pity sex_?

"Actually, you usually say that out loud," Barney says, nodding his head against the pillow. Then, he sighs, rubbing his hand across his face. He looks, frankly, distraught.

"So, I just slept with my best friend's ex-girlfriend."

Robin grimaces. "And I just slept with my ex-boyfriend's really good friend."

"Best friend," Barney shoots back, a reflex, and they turn to look at each other, Robin rolling her eyes. Although, for a moment she seems to see something there in Barney's facial expression. Ted really is his best friend. And Ted would never allow himself to return the sentiment. How sad must it be, to have nobody consider you the closest person to them. Robin wonders who _her_ best friend is, and besides Lily, the only name that comes to mind is the name of the man lying next to her.

Suddenly, she knows what she has to do, even if only for Ted's sake. "Okay. Here's the deal, Barney. The second my feet touch the ground, this never happened."

He hesitates only for the tiniest fraction of a second – almost too quick for Robin to notice the pause. "Okay."

And so she starts to get up, to erase this memory from her mind.

"Wait –" Barney says, and Robin turns to face him, her thoughts swirling. Then, Barney speaks again. "Right click, save as, into the B-peg folder… And – okay!"

Everything always has to be a joke with him. But yes, it's probably easier that way, Robin reflects. Don't take it seriously. Don't let anything touch you. But it has. _He_ has. He's touched her – literally as well as figuratively. Something about this cocky, selfish, sonofabitch has changed her.

"This never happened," he said slowly. "It's a good plan." Robin gets up and crosses to the room, suddenly noticing that the air between them is charged with something. Regret? Anticipation? Guilt? She suddenly feels a desire to escape.

"Now, we go back to… exactly the way things were before," Robin says confidently, but a nagging voice in the back of her head is asking her – is that really want you want?

"Okay," Barney says. He's letting her call all the shots, and she's appreciative of that. "So, Robin," he says, and his voice is somber. She turns, expecting… well, she isn't sure she knows.

"Yes, Barney?" Exasperated. That's how she sounds. As if he's already cracked the joke that she's sure he's about to make. She knows _him_ just as well as he knows _her_.

"Guess who nailed the chick from Metro News One last night?" he holds up his hand, nodding his head, a huge grin turning his face from sleep-filled and innocent to lecherous and… Barney.

Robin inwardly cringes, but outwardly she wordlessly steps forward and taps her hand to Barney's. _Nailed_? Because as much as last night was clearly a one-time thing – Hell, she'd made sure of that – The word _nailed_ was so different from how it had actually felt. Robin had never been a romantic, but what Barney and her had done last night had felt remarkably like _making love_.

Instead of dwelling on these frankly disturbing thoughts, she shuffles back and forth on her feet, staring at the still naked Barney on her bed. "Okay – uh… I'm gonna go take a shower… 'til June…" Because she needs desperately to get his heady cologne out of the pores of her skin. She smells like sex and contentment, like passion and like Barney. She hates how she loves it. "And um since you were never here to begin with, you won't be here when I get out."

Yes, it's better to pretend that this never happened. It doesn't mean she has to like it.

"Okay," Barney says again, and he smiles like none of this fazes him at all. It's like this is an every day occurrence, and… and it is, Robin realizes with a jolt. But not _her_. She's not like the other girls. She's his _friend._

"K," she mutters, turning to leave the room.

"This never happened," Barney calls out as she leaves. She pauses on the other side of the door, hearing him mutter again and again… "never happened… never happened."

That's what she had asked of him. So why does the thought of ignoring their night together make her feel so damned lousy?


	3. The Goat, Continued

Author's Note: I couldn't resist writing another chapter about this episode! This chapter also shows the first scene taken directly from my imagination, without the help of the writers from the show... Hope you enjoy! Also, just a head's up, I'm going away for a few days so the next update won't be until Friday at the earliest. Sorry! Please review this chapter so I have plenty to enjoy when I get back!

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The Goat: S3EP17

Robin secretly loves how frazzled Barney seems at the bar later that day. He's twitching minutely with every word Ted speaks, and yet Robin sits, cool and collected. She loves how she can master her emotions when he cannot. It proves that last night existed, and that it has affected him.

She hears Barney get up to follow her to the bar. He's nervous – his shoulders hunched and his eyes circling the room like he's waiting to be attacked or something.

"God, this is awkward," he moans.

Robin inwardly smirks. "What is?"

"Being around Ted," he says. _Duh_, his tone seems to say.

"Why?" Now she's just playing with him. Of course, all she's thought about _all day_ was her night with Barney, but she's enjoying his expression of torment too much. She acts like she doesn't even care enough to remember what had happened, and she can tell from his expression that it's off-putting to him.

"Because of our thing," he hisses, leaning down closer to her. There's a busty blonde sitting near to them at the bar, but Barney stares intently at Robin, ignoring the girl's obvious attention-getting tricks.

"What thing?" Robin asks, full of innocence.

"You're really gonna pretend this never happened?" The sincerity in his voice disarms her – he looks wounded, though she can't tell if just his pride is hurt or if…

"What never happened?" That's it, Scherbatsky, don't let him see that you're weak. He then gives her a look so pathetic that she's about to suggest they go somewhere to talk, but then Ted interrupts.

_Thank God_…

* * *

It's later that week, the night after Ted's, that Robin hears a knock on her door. She opens it to find a very distraught looking Barney, bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet. It's the first time they've been alone with each other since _the night_, and that knowledge does funny things to Robin's brain. She had seen Barney throughout the week, but only small glimpses at the bar. They hadn't talked much, but things hadn't been expressly awkward, either. But he hadn't shown up to Ted's party yesterday, and Robin had a pretty damn good feeling why.

"I'm sorry," he opens with. "I know it's late… I just… um… can I come in?"

Robin has rarely heard him struggle so much for words.

"Sure… uh… come in," she says, slapping her hand lightly against her sweats-clad thigh.

"Robin… I'm… Ted hates me," he finally says. He looks so much like a little boy in that moment that Robin cannot help but feel sad for him. She steps forward into his chest and wraps her arms around his waist, feeling the hard line of muscle that she hadn't expected. They had been a pleasant surprise earlier that week.

She had been working feverishly at his buttons, and when the shirt finally gave way, she had spent a solid minute staring at the surprisingly taut muscles of his chest and stomach. Finally, Barney had laughed and made a muscle-man pose. "Like what you see, Scherbatsky?" and Robin had rolled her eyes and taken her own top off in one swift motion. This had effectively silenced Barney, who looked at her newly revealed flesh like a parched man looks at the last glass of water on earth.

But these thoughts were wrong – thinking about Barney like that was inexcusable. It had been a one-time event, and now it was over.

"What happened?" She asks gently, stepping back from Barney and steering him over to the couch. The couch where they had first kissed. _Ugh! Stop thinking about it!_ She commands herself sharply.

"He's just… he's really mad that I… he says he doesn't want to be friends anymore."

Robin bites her lip. Barney really does look like a broken man – the lines etched into his forehead have become semi-permanent, and he's sagged down into a position of depression. His suit is hanging pathetically on him like he somehow managed to lose ten pounds in less than a week. There are circles under his eyes from lack of sleep.

Robin cannot help the way she reacts to his pain. She leans forward, brushing a hand across his cheek. "He'll come around, Barney," she says in a low voice, but Barney shakes his head.

"You know, Robin, I'm not sure that he will." He pauses, templing his fingers in front of him for a moment, staring at the manicured cuticles as if he will find the answer hidden in his hands. "Thank you. Robin, thank you for… for not hating me for this."

Robin is shocked. "_Hating_ you? Hell, I'm just as much at fault."

"No, I should have stopped it. I just… I mean, it was like I _couldn't_ stop it. I don't know what happened, usually I'm so in control of myself…" he sounded so helpless that Robin's heart did a freakish half-somersault and then broke off into a sprint. He hadn't been able to stop? Had he been as inexplicably desperate for her as she had been for him that night?

"Barney, look, it's forgotten, okay? There's no forgiving to be done. We made a mistake. A mutual mistake."

It could be her imagination, but she swears she sees him flinch on the word _mistake_.

And yeah, she wishes things were different, too. But there's Ted to think about, and even though she's slightly pissed at Ted for hurting Barney, she knows how weird it must be for her ex-boyfriend to hear that she had slept with Barney Stinson, the king of all womanizers.

She hates thinking about him that way, like she was just another girl to add to his list. She speaks before she can think it through.

"Do I go on some list now, or something?" she asks.

Barney looks politely confused. "_List?_"

"You know. A list of girls," she says, suddenly embarrassed. Barney, on the other hand, looks slightly miffed.

"Um… Robin, you… I don't think about it like that." He shook his head back and forth. "Unlike with most of the girls I sleep with… well, I didn't come over here that night with the intention of having sex with you. That wasn't… you aren't a _conquest_, or anything. You're _Robin_."

She is shocked by how relieved she is. She suddenly knows she needed those words. She punches him on the shoulder lightly. "Glad to hear it, bro."

Barney gives a small laugh and winks. "See you, okay?"

"For sure," she replies. "And Barney?" she calls, as Barney goes to the door. "Ted will forgive you. I mean, it's _Ted_."

Barney nods and smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "Bye, Scherbatsky."

"Bye, Stinson."


	4. Miracles

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews. This chapter was particularly hard to write, and I hope you enjoy it.

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S3EP20: Miracles

Things change, and often it's not for the best. It's the sort of thing that Robin thinks about in the mornings, as some nameless woman does her makeup and coifs her hair into semi-perfection for the news.

Lately, she is relieved to find, her thoughts stray to Barney much less often than they used to. Now, when she thinks of him, it's more in relation to Ted, and their completely damaged friendship. She sees less of Barney now, because Maclarens was a designated hang-out for Ted, Marshall and Lily. It was sad, but Barney was the one ousted.

It seems, _thank God_, that whatever stirring of feelings she had had for him have finally dissipated. Sure, she'd be blind not to notice Barney's incredibly looks and wry sense of humor. But the constant thinking of him and the worrying over what he thought of her… that had lessened to the point of almost extinction.

But yet she misses him. Misses talking to him on a regular basis, misses the lewd jokes and the high fives that follow, misses his high-pitched "what up!" and his perfectly pressed suits. Robin sighs, settling herself into place behind the Metro News 1 counter and tapping her nails across the surface, allowing the finishing touches of makeup to be applied to her face.

That's when the phone call comes.

It's almost impossible to describe the feeling of panic. Ted. Hospital. Come now. God. Her heart jumps to her throat and pounds like a thousand tiny hammers against her. Her thoughts cannot cement into anything resembling intelligence. And the whole way there, she thinks of nothing but her own panic and suffering, should something horrible have truly happened to Ted.

It's not until she meets up with Marshall and Lily at the hospital entrance that her thoughts sputter, stop, and change tracks for the smallest second. Barney. Does he know? Sure, Barney and Ted aren't speaking, but I'm sure that Barney would want to know if…

Relief. Oh, God, he's fine. There's even a hint of annoyance. There he is, munching away at one of those hospital snacks and he seems so unconcerned about everything. They all talk for a bit – about Stella, some, and Robin is shocked that not even the tiniest hint of jealousy is mixed in with her happiness for her friend.

Sure, her and Ted had been together. But she's honestly completely _done_ with him. She wants… well, she wants someone else. Not _Barney_, or anything, though his name has mysteriously popped into her head.

Then Lily calls Barney. She talks on the phone for a few brief seconds, but Barney hangs up. Robin feels sick. She had somehow thought that… There had to be a line. How could Barney not show up to the hospital for Ted? How could he ignore his former best friend so thoroughly?

* * *

What's shocking to her is how different she feels when the second phone call comes in. With Ted, there had been immediate panic. Her mind had whirred at a thousand miles per hour and her heart had started thumping in a ragged, unearthly rhythm.

With Barney, it's like instead of speeding up, everything stops. Her heart jolts quickly and then slows to a stop, her brain freezes up in uncertainty. It takes Lily grabbing her shoulder and steering her out of the room for her to even start moving. But once she does, she runs. The numb feeling is spreading to every crevice of her body, but one thought had managed to penetrate the fog.

_Not him. Not Barney._

She doesn't get the relief with this second accident, or _Miracle_, as Marshall so incorrectly labels it. There's Barney, covered in bandages, still trying to remain aloof and unaffected. The attempt fails, and Robin is horrified to feel tears gather in her eyes as Ted and Barney reunite, their friendship patched up by Barney's unbelievable show of loyalty.

Robin, for one small second, wonders if Barney would have dropped everything and run to the hospital if it had been _her_.

She leaves the room following her Sir Scratchewan story, and when she comes back, Marshall and Lily are teasing Barney about the things that flashed across his vision just before the accident. Boobs, Suits, Money, Booze. A boob wearing a suit of money, lactating scotch.

She smiles at them, and then her gaze flickers down to Barney. She wishes she could explain her reaction to what she sees. She had been, frankly, terrified that he wasn't going to be alright. And now that she knows he'll recover, the relief is dizzying, even more so than with Ted.

And right now, Barney's looking up at her with this look on his face, like they share an intimate secret or connection that nobody else could ever quite understand. He's looking at her like maybe he saw something a little more important than scotch and suits of money when he looked at the significant things in his life.

A shiver runs up Robin's spine, but it's mostly because she's realized something: She's not scared of that connection with Barney. That in itself is a unique experience, and it's one she's not ready for.

* * *

Later, she pokes her head into Barney's room and finds that besides the patient, the room is deserted. Ted's gone to talk to Stella and Marshall and Lily have gone to get some food from the cafeteria.

"Hey," she says, stepping into the room. Barney's eyes swing from the TV set to her, and he smiles.

"Hey, Robin. You didn't have to stay," he croaks.

"Of course I did," she says, and then afterwards she realizes how true it is. Leaving hadn't even registered as an option. "How are you feeling?"

He shrugs and then winces at the motion. "I'm… well, I'm fine."

"Need more drugs?" she asks with a grin.

"Hell yeah, I've got this little button right here, and it administers…" he jabs the button a few times and grins.

Robin grins back, because it's impossible not to.

"Barney…" But she can't speak.

"What?"

"I'm really glad… I mean I was scared that… It's just good that you're alright."

Barney looks slightly embarrassed but then the look disappears before Robin can quite place it. "Thanks."

It's a true word – there's no joke, there's no double meaning. He's thanking her, and not just for saying that she's happy he's alright. Not even just for staying with him in the hospital. It's a thank you for being his friend, and it's a mark of how real that friendship is that Robin needs no more explanation than Barney's honest eyes and truthful smile.


End file.
